i don't approve of [fuckery]

AT ALL!!! The situation that just happened w| my little brother && some neighborhood kids turned into one of THEE MOST fkced up situations I've ever witnessed (family-wise). Being that I am the person that I am...I try to play the fence when dealing with these other children and their parents. I take my brother's side but also try to get the full and entire story in its TRUTH. What just happened that my cousin (same age as Nile) witnessed the ENTIRE situation, told her mom, and moms said don't say anything or get involved.

Understandable. But when there are five kids, all accusing my brother of doing something that he may or may not have done, I expect to get the story in its entirety. Being that aunty said to stay out of it, I could not defend my brother against these fve kids & a parent as adequately as I would have liked while also maintaining a fair balance. Only after these people left from my front door & Mommy came home did I get additional details that would've been nice to know beforehand.

My whole point, if you say we are a family & that we stick w| each other through thick and thin, why is it that information about the incident in the neighborhood was left out purposely? But we are family? As I get older, I realize even more that BLOOD AIN'T ALWAYS THICKER THAN WATER. Obviously I'm pissed & so is Mommy.

So as I stated on Twitter "fkc it. ima just look out for me && mines kuz that was ohdeee fcked up."

*drops mic*

Insomnia

insomnia is a mofo!! its about to be 3am && i'm still up. i'm actually supposed to be finishing some work for school but thats on hold for a minute. this evening was... idk how to describe it. but my boy cousin got drunk and started talking out his mouth. no problems though because thats my nigga. he just called me all types of lazy though. even though i know im lazy, i hate how this nigga went about saying that ish. but yeah then dude had the nerve to pass out on my bed & not wanna wake up. smh. get it together.

XMAS

Yesterday was Christmas && I expected to get nothing. The night before I was talking to Sely and just completely bashing the holiday because of a series of events that took place within the past few days, as well as my own personal reasons and disappointments. She told me "don't worry. blah blah blah" Whatever...we left the subject alone after that. Hours passed, and whadayakno? It's Christmas! My aunt and I went to go pick up Mom & my older cousin from work; woke up the kids. OMG!! All hell broke loose. LOL Turns out Mom was able to pull through and buy 2 of the latest iPod Nano's, a PS3, and some clothes for Jaylene (little cousin). AND (drum roll) I actually got presents, which surprised the hell outta me. Mommy bought me some Victoria Secret undies && a New Moon messenger bag :) I was happy. I just still don't believe in this whole holiday bs. Call me 'Scrooge-like' if you shall. I just feel it's over-rated. I'm only with it because of the kids y'know. If I ever have kids, I don't think I'll let them fall into the trap of Christmas. I for sure won't tell'em that Santa exists. *shrugs* WHATEVER.
Oh here are the pics from yesterday...beginning with the sunrise :) ...

Early Christmas Pics

Remember when I said I was gonna post up the pictures from last night? Well, here they are! :)

Top Left-Bottom Right: Me & Zari, Grandma & Mom, Maisen, Sely

Top Left-Bottom Right: John(white tee), Darion(blue shorts), Zari, Sely & Mom

Early X-Mas

So I just came home from my bestfriend's (Sely) house. The family had an early Christmas dinner so we celebrated. Major fun was had. I'll post the pics tomorrow. I'm sleepy. G'nite...

Happy Sunday :)

Happy Sunday Everybody!!

This is how I'm spending mine :)

With the lil bro. There are more pics buhh these are my fave :O

Enjoy the day!!

Done Pissed Me ( OFF )

I'm so ova-through with this female. Oh my gosh! She (my cousin) done pissed me off for the last time...this week at least. Lemme fill yall in quick fast. She just moved in with me & the other 5 people living here (brother, mom, aunt & her 2 kids). This was about 2 weeks ago. Why is it that just because she is blood related to my mother ( even that I'm not extra sure about), she feels that she can get real comfortable here. The fuck?!? Nahh boo. Shxt aint sweet 'round here ma.

Today she took my cell phone WITHOUT me knowing & has been gone for a good 4 hours. IM PISSED!! When I called her, she got upset talking 'bout "Don't rush me. Blah blah blah" Uhmmm. You're getting mad at me because I want MY phone that YOU took without my knowing? Where dey do dat at?? Had the nerve to curse & all. Talking 'bout "Fkc my hair. Fkc my application. I'm coming right now." Smh. Then she called my mother about an hour later to let her know she was soon on her way back to the crib. Two hours later, shorty's still not here. So I called her off my aunts phone; no answer. I ran upstairs to mommy's room real quick and called her off that number. She picked up. Mom told her off && was like get over here now. Oh BTW, shorty is 22. What I don't understand is why you're 22 w no phone of your own, but you talk to a whole bunch of niggas and none of them can get you one?? Smh. WTF?!? Ugh....ova-through.

*sidenote: its 1039 and shes still not here with my damn phone.

Goodbye '09

Okay, so the year is almost finished && guess what? I'm glad. There has been way too much drama in '09 for my taste. Smh. Just yesterday, 2 people were stabbed in my school during one of the three lunches. Also a young man has admitted to abusing his girlfriend's 23-month-old daughter. He also attended my school. Familial drama, friendships either damaged or ended; UGH I'm just so through with 2009. How about you? I'm hoping that this year doesn't end with another disappointment...I'm REALLY hoping for that. Other than that, all I can say for '09 is good riddance. I have no regrets && I can honestly say that I'm gonna be happy regardless :)


-jah bless-
xoxo DOMO! xoxo

Nile.

truly misunderstood

maybe hes looking for attention

but he take the wrong approach

instead he cries over the most miniscule of things

causing aggravation and frustration

i love him

all 3 feet and 7 inches of him

from his toes right up to his dome

but he doesnt know when to pause

and to stop and to collect himself

he just does what he does best

CRY

its annoying, but he is mine

although he has his faults

his personality far outshines

his smile is contagious and full of innocence

his love for family is outrageous and beautiful

his thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated

and his ability to remember

is both a blessing and a curse :)

but he is mine; my little brother

and i love him

-FIN-

Daddy.

we cant even have a full 5 minute conversation.
theres always something that comes up
where you have to "call me back" and hang up.
its always this or its that;
you never call me back though.
everytime we get off the phone
i realize that i know very little about you.
you, who provided the sperm to procreate.
you, who ive always been on time for;
yet for me, you've always been late.
you are my father.
you named me, giving me the initials of something
you've never been
D.A.D.
you weren't there when i needed you the most,
so i've learned to rely on the only one
who's been by my side the most.
Mom.
she...is my rock
and you...are my hard place.
through disagreements and disappointments
you've left an empty space in my heart.
feelings of abandonment and loneliness
arise eveytime i come to the realization
of our distance. then anger.
towards you, then myself.
how could i have let it get this far??
we speak of nothing but plans for college;
an invisible bridge that threatens to collapse
with each week passed.
and though our relationship hasn't been the best
over these past years,
i still deserve to know why your soul is
in turmoil && not at rest.
why when i call, i only get the voicemail.
it just rings and rings adn rings
until finally i get the automated lady
subliminally telling me to go fuck myself.
"your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
347-***-**** is unavailable. At the tone, please record your message."
BEEP!!!
im tired of leaving messages.
my messages and questions are left unacknowledged.
phone calls left unanswered and unreturned.
im tired of our whole situation.
if i could build a time machine,
and go back to the times when we were genuinely close,
i would do it in a heartbeat.
correct all the mistakes
and take the roads that lead away from defeat.
but i can't.
so i live with my regrets
and my feelings towards our relationship
one day at a time.
i love you,
but i cant deal with this anymore.
im walking away, but that door will always be open.
-FIN-