Broken Hearted :(

My pink jelly headphones died last night. Or maybe this morning. I don't know when exactly. But they died none the less. RIP my love :(

Maybe since it's Black Friday, I'll go pick up a new pair.

Maybe.

Speak To My Soul, My Mind, My Heart.

I think I've given up on Hip-Hop. These past few years, more like a decade, have been filled with bubble-gum rap and lyrics full of "bitches, hoes, guns, money, and whips". Smhh. What happened to having a message behind the rhymes? What happened to trying to uplift the listeners?? I don't understand. I truly don't. This dilemma is what has me constantly listening to Rap from the 80s and 90s (early-mid 90s). HOWEVER... as of late, I've come across two young men who I just can't get enough of, musically speaking. They are Wale and J.Cole. I admit to downloading Wale's album instead of buying it, but the album is BANGIN!!! He speaks about real ish && I LOVE IT. J.Cole is my new love. I've listened to 2 of his mixtapes && I must say, he's breath of fresh air. Both of them are. Trust that both Wale and J.Cole stay on repeat on my laptop & my ipod. I love that both of them portray themselves in their music. They don't demean women, but they speaks truths of women. I love their rhymes && lyrical wordplay. They develop stories through their music && trust that I'm enthralled in each and everyone of them. I encourage you to take a listen (:

Poetry :)

Lately I've been on my poetry ish. I've been enjoying watching youtube videos of poets from Brave New Voices, HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Write Side Poets, and other venues. I'm in love with certain poets' words and their minds, which I think is most important and most beautiful in a person. The way these poets lace simple words with metaphors that create images in my mind...I'm just in awe at times. So I'm gonna post pics of some of them that have inspired me to continue writing when I couldn't go on and get free<3

Shihan - "This Type Love"

Jasmine Mans - "His Daughter"

Gemineye - "Poetic Bloodline"

Brook Yung - "Change"

Alexis Marie - "Corner Boys"

Ehh

So I know I said I only wanna share my poems on here, but I cant help myself. I will continue to blog the way I was doing it in the first place. Such is life where I can make decisions and go back on them. *sigh* LOl

Anyway .... off to school

Adios!!! <3

Nile.

truly misunderstood

maybe hes looking for attention

but he take the wrong approach

instead he cries over the most miniscule of things

causing aggravation and frustration

i love him

all 3 feet and 7 inches of him

from his toes right up to his dome

but he doesnt know when to pause

and to stop and to collect himself

he just does what he does best

CRY

its annoying, but he is mine

although he has his faults

his personality far outshines

his smile is contagious and full of innocence

his love for family is outrageous and beautiful

his thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated

and his ability to remember

is both a blessing and a curse :)

but he is mine; my little brother

and i love him

-FIN-

Decisions, Decisions

I've been making quite a few decisions lately, &&. I'm proud of myself.

I want to turn this blog into a place where I share my poems and ONLY my poems, even though I don't write as much as I want to.

I plan on letting my hair grow out...back to natural for me. Yay!!!

I'm doing the 3year program in my high school and I've been succeeding in reaching my goal :)

Let me give you a taste of what my schedule looks like so far:

• Regular school from 740-240
• Night School on Mondays & Wednesdays from 500-700 (Earth Science)
• Spanish I && II online from whenever-whenever

Honestly there are some days where I just feel really burned out. But I realize that I have to get through the storm in order to get to the better days :)

Jah Bless

Daddy.

we cant even have a full 5 minute conversation.
theres always something that comes up
where you have to "call me back" and hang up.
its always this or its that;
you never call me back though.
everytime we get off the phone
i realize that i know very little about you.
you, who provided the sperm to procreate.
you, who ive always been on time for;
yet for me, you've always been late.
you are my father.
you named me, giving me the initials of something
you've never been
D.A.D.
you weren't there when i needed you the most,
so i've learned to rely on the only one
who's been by my side the most.
Mom.
she...is my rock
and you...are my hard place.
through disagreements and disappointments
you've left an empty space in my heart.
feelings of abandonment and loneliness
arise eveytime i come to the realization
of our distance. then anger.
towards you, then myself.
how could i have let it get this far??
we speak of nothing but plans for college;
an invisible bridge that threatens to collapse
with each week passed.
and though our relationship hasn't been the best
over these past years,
i still deserve to know why your soul is
in turmoil && not at rest.
why when i call, i only get the voicemail.
it just rings and rings adn rings
until finally i get the automated lady
subliminally telling me to go fuck myself.
"your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
347-***-**** is unavailable. At the tone, please record your message."
BEEP!!!
im tired of leaving messages.
my messages and questions are left unacknowledged.
phone calls left unanswered and unreturned.
im tired of our whole situation.
if i could build a time machine,
and go back to the times when we were genuinely close,
i would do it in a heartbeat.
correct all the mistakes
and take the roads that lead away from defeat.
but i can't.
so i live with my regrets
and my feelings towards our relationship
one day at a time.
i love you,
but i cant deal with this anymore.
im walking away, but that door will always be open.
-FIN-